I feel like I'm always on the verge of tears. Not the "I can't handle this" kind. The "I can't believe she's mine", "She's so perfect" kind. Peyton has just started to babble and with each aa and oo my chest hurts just a little bit. It feels like my heart is swelling a little more with each new sound, and look, and cuddle. I was just a little bit worried to start with. How can one person hold on to so much love? But then I realized I don't hold it, she gets it all back. What a wonderful cycle of feelings don't you think?

I had planned on packing up her newborn clothes today. It was SO hard to bring myself to get up because she was snuggled on my chest asleep, but I walked into her room and laid her down in her beautiful crib that she rarely sees. My heart did the little painful thing I talked about and I ran for the camera. I got to take just a couple of shots before it woke her up. Then I picked her up and left her room. I can pack up her clothes later...

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and never published it... but here it is now :D


4 weeks. For four wonderful weeks I've had the pleasure of kissing, smelling, holding, feeding, soothing and falling head over heels madly in love with my little girl. Yep, she's here people and I've slacked at announcing it. We've been busy.. lol


Oct 26th I woke up about 7am, took a shower and as I was getting out I felt a gush. I realized my water broke. I called the hospital about an hour later when my contractions started, asked if I should come in to get checked before I called my husband or if I should have him take me. The nurse said to call Jonny so I called him, asked him if he wouldn't mind coming home and then started cleaning the house and doing the dishes because I knew I'd be at the hospital for a couple of days and my parents were flying in the next night. :P

Jonny got to the house and took our bags out the the garage, put the car seat in the car and off we went. Once we got there they put me on the monitor and saw I was having contractions every 2 mins. I was at 4 centimeters and they did a test to make sure it was my water that had broke. When the test came back they said it wasn't my water and asked me to walk the halls for a couple of hours to see if I could make anymore progress.

I was SO embarrassed. I was positive it was my water that broke and I hadn't just peed myself or something. So I huffed and puffed and walked around in a horrible mood and my contractions got worse. They weren't horrible but it got to the point were I had to stop walking when they came on.

When we got back to L&D to be checked I told the doctor to please tell me I was more then a 4. She said said I was at 5 and we could stay and have a baby. (YAY!)

We meet our nurse and walked over to our room (I was already gowned up). Inside my room were about 10 people. lol They were taking a tour of the ward. My nurse kicked them out and got me in bed with strict orders to GO TO SLEEP after an hour or so they started pitocin.. I don't know how they expected me to sleep though pitocin contractions but I decided if I needed to sleep I needed the epidural. Once I got the epidural it was smooth sailing. I had 2 different doctors try and break my water and both couldn't get to it.

Once the time came I had 4 pushes with the nurse and 2 pushes with the doctor and Peyton was born. I told them I wanted her with me right away but when she came out they told me they needed to clean her up first and took her to the warmer to look her over. I asked if she was ok and the doctor said yes but seemed a little stressed so I asked if I was ok. She said yes. I kept having to remind Jonny to take pictures because he was too busy gushing over his daughter to remember he had the camera.. lol I was still being stitched up when they brought Peyton back to me. Turns out I had a postpartum hemorrhage, and they had been trying to stop the bleeding. Peyton was perfectly healthy (and I don't remember my water ever breaking during delivery, could it be because it already had...  lol)

Then Breast feeding started off well. We looked like we had it down, but I started getting really sore, like crying thinking about having to feed her sore, and we went to a lactation consultant who told me Peyton has a high palate so even though we're doing everything right it's like she has a bad latch. Got a nipple shied which helped but I was still frustrated and in pain. A week after seeing the consultant I wasn't feeling well so I took my temp. It was 100.9 so Jonny and I went to the doctors. Turns out I have mastitis I had to get my first round of antibiotics though IV. ugh. So now I'm pumping and finding out I'm not getting enough milk so we had to start supplementing with formula. Peyton wasn't gaining weight before but is now up to 9 pounds 4 ouncesIt's just been the craziest 4 weeks of my life! My family was here for 2 weeks and now Jonny's's mom is here until the 3rd . We'e very grateful for all the help :D